One Day At A Time

 I have a problem with consistency. I have a problem with a lot of things actually. I make plans, set goals, and have dreams, but somehow life gets in the way...or I get in the way of myself. 

Yesterday I briefly explained some of the anxiety and panic I was dealing with. Today I haven't left the house. It gets like that quite a bit. Sometimes my brain and fears get the best of me. It is exhausting to live this way. It isn't living. Its pure hell. 

There are so many things that go through my mind each day. Feelings of doubt, fear, worthlessness, hatred toward my self, anger, sadness, and more "what if's" than I can explain. I know there has to be some type of answer to this madness that seems to have swallowed me, and I pray I can figure it out. 

God has a plan for me, and I have always known that. As a Christian I believe with my entire heart that God has this under control, but the panic disorder in me does not think like that when I am in the midst of an attack. The panic takes over my brain and I give in to the fear. I let it creep in even when I know the truth is that God still has His hands on me. 

Trust me when I tell you I pray about this. I have prayed and prayed. I don't know why I still deal with this. I get so angry because sometimes when I say I suffer with this disorder people say "just pray about it" or "have you asked God to give you peace". YES YES YES! I have not stopped praying about this. I always pray about it. Do people think I don't? Do they think I exhaust all options and then still forget to pray? I pray first. I pray during. I pray and pray some more. I cry and beg God to take this from me, but for some reason He is waiting to do that. 

I sit here and wonder if it isn't the doubt in me that keeps me in this place. Maybe I doubt that I can really be healed from this hell. I say with my mouth and believe in my heart that  God can heal, change and fix everything because He is King of Kings. Why then do I doubt that he would heal me? Why do I think that I am not worthy to be healed or freed from this torment? If I am so sure that He can literally make the blind see, then why is it so hard for me to believe that he can take this fear from me? I am constantly struggling with the belief that I will be this way forever and I will never be able to do "normal" things again. 

I haven't felt "normal" in a very long time.  Saying that I simply mean I just wish I could go places or do things without this paralyzing fear completely holding me back. I can't do normal tasks like drive, sit in movie theaters, walk in big stores like Walmart ,or be in big open spaces. Sitting on the beach gives me anxiety and I literally want to run. I even struggle riding in cars and the only people I can ride with are my husband and my mother. I also refuse under all circumstances to get on the interstate. Even certain roads are triggers and I have to avoid them. Do you have any idea how hard it makes it to live my life?

I have been struggling more lately than ever about wanting to break these chains, because I feel I am supposed to do more. There is something missing. There is something that I am being held back from, but I'm not sure what that is yet. I lie awake at night letting all these thoughts swirl around in my cluttered mind. I believe it's time to figure out why I am letting this hold me back and how I can finally be healed. I have no idea how long this will take or what could be uncovered in the meantime. It's time to let God work on me and learn to let go of the control I so desperately want but don't have. One day at a time is all I can do and today seems like a good day to start. 

Love and Hugs,

Brandi

*images found on google

LoveBug Probiotics Unboxing

I was contacted by a company called LoveBug to test out their brand of probiotics. I had not currently been using a probiotic , but have heard great things about adding them to your routine.  Probiotics are live bacteria and yeasts that are good for you and,your digestive system. They promote gut health in addition to several other benefits! I am going to give you a brief description of each of the bottles that were sent to me and the benefits! Check the bottom of the post for my unboxing video! You will also find links to purchase the products! You can click the individual pictures or check out where to shop below!

I was sent three different bottles to test out including Here's The Skinny, Yeast Is A Beast, and Colds Suck. I opted to start taking Here's The Skinny, so I will give you a summary starting with that one!

Here's the Skinny helps with digestive function and sensitive stomachs. It can also assist with your energy and moods! LoveBug claims to have better technology than any other brand and even has a time-release technology in their probiotics!  This specific one also helps assist with weight loss!

The second bottle, Yeast Is A Beast, is targeted specifically for women. It helps balance yeast and helps prevent UTI's in addition to helping gut health. It has a ton of natural ingredients and also helps with weight loss! 

The last bottle included was Colds Suck. In addition to working wonders for gut health it can help boost energy and help fight sickness! It helps your immune system by strengthening it! How great is that?

Lovebug provides several other probiotics that are great for kids! They have a broad range for different age groups and concerns! I was really impressed with their website and variety in products! They aren't just a "one size fits all" company! I also want to mention that this company was started by a mom who was on a mission to help her son and his digestive issues! Its a great story, so make sure you check it out HERE! Make sure you check out all the other great products while you are there!

WHERE TO SHOP

In addition to their website you can also find Lovebug at a variety of retailers! Here are some links below so you can get your hands on these and test them out for yourself!




Love and Hugs as Always!

Weight and Wellness Wednesday | Week One

I finally made up my mind that it is time to get healthy and really focus on my choices. I have a bad habit of eating the wrong foods at the wrong times and in the wrong portions. I made the decision that it was time to do something about this. I want to lose weight and get healthy, but I also want to learn to make better choices and make a permanent change. This isn't about dropping weight rapidly or finding a quick fix. In order to do this I need to make lifestyle changes.

I thought that I would start a series on Wednesdays dedicated to weight and wellness. This will be an inside look at my own journey in addition to tips, recipes, and incites to help others. I am one of those people who start these things full of motivation, but later let it dwindle down. I thought posting weekly about my progress, goals, and tips would help me stay accountable. 

I am starting this journey weighting more than I have in my life. I am not happy about my weight or the way I feel. I have gained lose to 60 pounds since I married my husband. I can't say that I was at an ideal weight when we married either, but I do know that I felt much better several pounds ago.

I am setting a goal of losing 67 pounds. When I achieve that I will reevaluate and see if I need to lose more or if I am comfortable at that weight. I know this is not going to be an easy process. Losing weight never really is. It is always so much easier to gain than lose. 

I decided that first I needed to find something to help me make healthier choices. I know there are several programs and diets, but I wanted something that has been proven to work. I decided to go with Weight Watchers. I have seen so many people I know concur their weight with this program and it has taught them about their choices. I am not telling you that this is what you should pick, but it is my plan. I signed up Monday.

My weigh in days will be every Monday. I am going to do my very best to stay off the scale throughout the rest of the week. There is no reason to keep hopping on a scale every single day. I think once a week is good. I am also going to make sure that I am more active than I have been in the past. It is time to get moving! 

I can't say I am a fan of exercise, but at this point I realize that it is necessary. This weight won't lose itself. It is going to be a combination of healthier choices and activity! I am excited about this journey and I hope you will be too. This will be a regular feature on the blog every Wednesday, so make sure you stay tuned for progress! I will start uploading pictures of this journey too. I have always been a fan of seeing others as they go through their journey! 

Love and Hugs as always!!